Raising your frequency, is the sum of two main things:
How do you do it?
Before we go any further, I'll just point out the obvious....
Image: Ramin Nazar
The Blueprint on how to raise frequency is broken up into four sections:
- INTENTION. This is your fuel. You won’t get far without fuel;
- The TOOLBOX. Tips and tools you’ll need to MAKE IT HAPPEN;
- Things that may block you;
- Some handy methods to shake up the energy and call in change.
Maybe you’re tired of feeling like crap – physically or mentally. Maybe you think the world sucks, your life sucks, or perhaps you destroyed EVERYTHING in your life through addiction like I did. Perhaps you’re sick of wrecking your relationships and hurting your loved ones (me again). Or maybe grief is stuck inside you (hi old me again) and you’re sick of being sad. Maybe you’re just really done being trapped in the same shitty cycles because there has to be more to life than THIS (PSA: there is….).
It might sound weird, but this is where pain and suffering comes in very handy indeed. It becomes your fuel. This doesn’t mean we flick the magic switch and successfully change on the first go – HELL NO. Change can be far harder than that. But the fuel, is very, very helpful.
This is why rock bottom can be great. It’s so bloody excruciatingly awful (I speak from experience), that you’ll try ANYTHING to get out. Your determination is strong. When you become sick, you often become more determined to change your habits. When you’re hurting people like your family or partner? This is excellent fuel for change. When you’re sick of grief, sadness, stress, fear or anxiety that won’t lift? When you’re suicidal? Stuck in the hell of addiction or in prison?
THIS IS THE FUEL TO CREATE GREAT CHANGE.
So channel your pain, suffering, worry, sadness and grief into sheer determination, stubbornness, curiosity and UTTER pissed-off-ness (really should be a word), or there’s every chance you won’t be pushed to try something new.
Image: Ramin Nazar
TOOLS: Information and Tips.
Change Is NOT LINEAR
Change, healing, raising frequency – whatever you want to call it – is NOT linear. It’s not straightforward. It’s not neat and tidy. It can be really messy. It can be one step forwards and three steps back, or a clean leap forward and a screaming slide back. Sometimes you’ll crawl ahead – and you’ll stay there. You’ll have fully powered up moments, and times where it’s a really hard slog with seemingly little reward. It can be a wonky and wild path, BUT….zoom out. You’re getting there. On the micro scale it could be all over the place, but the big picture shows there is progress – no matter how big or small. All this is beautifully normal, and very okay.
Image: Steph Edwards @toyoufromsteph
Slather on LOADS of self-compassion
Unlearning years of programs and habits often does NOT come overnight. Chances are you may fall back into old behavior more than once. I actually lost count of how many times I fell off my rickety sobriety wagon, or completely relapsed BIG TIME (mostly with alcohol, gambling and drugs). Often I found I couldn’t stick with the changes that I’d felt so determined to, yesterday or last week, and it can be a real kick in the guts. It’s normal to revert to old programs a number of times (from 1-1000) before you’re successful in changing it. It’s okay. What matters is that you get back on the horse and try again.
Do not mentally beat yourself up. Do not put yourself down (this is low low freq biz). Observe yourself if you do this and consciously choose to stop. Use your disappointment/horror/disgust/etc as FUEL to try again. It’s okay! It’s normal part of the landscape of rewiring behavioural programs. GOOD ON YOU FOR TRYING! Now, try again.
Do your best and let go of the rest
This point leads on from above. Do your best, and let go of the rest. Once it’s done? It’s done. LET IT GO. Realign with your best, and DO YOUR BEST AGAIN (this is one of the 4 Principles of Mindful Drawing). Reiterating the previous point, please do not beat yourself up over what is done. Use this as fuel, realign and try again – wiser and with more determination this time.
Consistency – Just keep on showing up
It’s far better to do one small thing on a consistent basis, than make a big change once in a blue moon. It’s what you do on a regular basis that makes the biggest impact. No matter how much you fall off the horse, and no matter how big or small your effort is, just be committed to keep on showing up.
Patience – It’s about direction, not speed
We all want change yesterday. Resist the urge to do it all now, and instead go slow, and go steady. As long as you’re making changes no matter how small, you’re progressing. Be patient with yourself. Remind yourself that creating a Better You isn’t a race. It’s a long-game journey.
Surrender. Let it all go
One of the most helpful things we can do to embrace change, is to surrender to our current situation. Accept how it is right now. Surrender any ideas of how we think it should be, or how we want it to be. Surrendering is how we open ourselves to the flow of what will be. Any resistance will block or limit the power of change. It won’t allow anything in that is outside of your current beliefs. Let go of everything. Hold the intention clear of what you want. Release attachment to the rest. GET IT ALL OFF.
Observation and Reflection
How are you going? Are you making positive changes that stick? If it’s easy, go you, carry on. If it’s hard? REALLY HARD? 100 slides backward? That’s okay. There is valuable information in there about your triggers. Find the ‘WHY’ you slide backward. Is it because you’re stressed? Too busy? Hanging out with the wrong people? When you’re ready, get curious. Poke around. What is it?
Every time you try again, you can be armed with more wisdom, more determination, more knowledge about what to avoid next time. This information is CRUCIAL. The trick is, you have to extract it and use it. Journalling helped me immensely. And taking time in reflection. Why did that happen? There’s gold in there. These are your clues. Now armed with this new information, try again.
For many of us, change can not only be hard, it can be really bloody scary. It can mean spending time alone, attempting things that are outside your current ability, breaking up with friends or partners, feeling emotions you’ve bottled up for eons and coming face to face with your shadows. This doesn’t apply to all of us, but for those of us who have BIG, DEEP change to make? It can be the scariest thing in the world. But the reality you find across the other side of fear, is equally, proportionally BIG. It’s marvelously liberating and empowering. Be Brave. Fear is NOTHING BUT AN ILLUSION.
Repetition, Repetition, Repetition
Repetition is what installs a NEW behavioural program, which effectively overrides your old ones. In the beginning it’s HARD. You have to consciously MAKE it happen. Through repetition it gradually becomes easier until it becomes second nature. It becomes a part of your automatic, unconscious behaviour – you don’t even have to think about trying to do it anymore. It just IS you.
If change is going to happen, you MUST learn to use boundaries. They become a superpower and you’ll wonder how to ever lived without them. You use boundaries to keep stressful conversations from occurring, the wrong people away, or your precious time free – all the things that are required to create positive change. These are the literal invisible force fields that you create saying, “DO NOT CROSS!” I used to have zero boundaries. I didn’t even know what they were. Now, I’m throwing them around like nobody’s business. They’re my weapon.
As you change, your boundaries will need to change with you. What was okay then, isn’t okay now….Keep adjusting your boundaries to align with the NEW VERSION of you. Boundaries are not static because neither are you. Keep on tweaking.
Don’t feel guilty to rest – relearn how important it is. Without rest, you’re setting yourself up to burn out down the track. Listen to your body. When you need to rest, rest. Look at the seasons in nature. Winter is just as important as Spring or Summer. This is how we recharge. This is how we regenerate. This is how we integrate change. Getting adequate rest is one way we set ourselves us up for tomorrow’s success.
Every morning I make a to-do list in my computer (and roll too many tasks over to the next day…). I often stick a piece of A4 paper on the wall with my wellbeing goals written in thick black sharpie. I also have a little whiteboard in my house with my bigger goals I want to tackle. I see it when I get up. I can change it when I want. Perhaps set an alarm in your phone (once or 20 times a day), or ask someone to be an accountability partner. You can use a habit tracking app. Reminders are like a gentle elbow “OY DO IT!”. Use whatever works for you.
Discipline and willpower
This was an enormous issue for old me. I’ll admit I’m still not the most disciplined person in the world, but I am unrecognizeable compared to who I was. It turns out, just like your muscles, discipline and willpower grow stronger with use. Start small with the TINIEST GRAIN – and grow from there.
Get comfortable with being uncomfortable
It’s actually easier to stay in the comfort zone. But comfort zones are no-growth zones. You’ll stay stuck and stagnant. Welcome ‘discomfort’ – know that it is calling you to grow. Take the invite. Anything new will be a little scary and a little unfamiliar at first.
As you grow to new levels, new discomforts will come up. These are your challenges to level up. New areas to grow into. This is the game. Lean into it until the discomfort is gone. Don’t settle for the trap of constant comfort.
It’s never too late to change
You’re never too old to create change. You’re never too broken. If you’re alive and breathing, you can create change. ALL programs can be unlearned – no matter how long you’ve had them for, or how deeply ingrained they are. They are NOT YOU. They are just programs. I speak from experience as someone who NEVER thought change was possible. It is.
Support comes in many forms. It could be a person or a community, a psychologist, counsellor, support group, or some very useful accounts on social media.
At my worst, I needed to be away from people (it was that bad). But I did have my sister. She gave me a roof over my head and space that I needed. She also gave me unconditional love no matter what I’d done. I also had my nephew to watch funny kitten videos with. Many of us don’t have this, and it’s okay – I found social media (Instagram) very useful here. Firstly DELETE a whole heap of TOXIC GARBAGE that social media is a breeding ground for. Now add accounts that inspire you and help you in your journey. You are not alone. There are many of us doing this work all across the globe. One day soon I fully believe that supportive community and safe spaces to heal will be making a huge comeback.
Integrate the changes
Old feelings may come to the surface
Thoughts, emotions, long-forgotten events – anything your old habits have kept suppressed, may rise to the surface to be released. These are often the root cause of our behaviours.
Clearing the shadows out of your subconscious is key to becoming free. It means retrieving all the lost parts you’ve neglected, pushed away or denied – the painful bits. These feelings never go away, they get stored in the shadows of your subconscious – away from your conscious awareness. They niggle, they trigger, and they can create very dysfunctional behaviours.
Often we don’t know what they are, let alone how to get to them. A good trick is to follow your triggers. They will lead you to deep-rooted wounds that may be well hidden. Follow your triggers and ask yourself questions like: What am I feeling? What am I afraid of right now?
You may need support in clearing what you’ve suppressed. You might find journaling helps (I did). Perhaps talking to someone you trust who can hold healing space for you. You might need professional help or a support group. You also may be okay to sit with the process on your own. You can do this in a way where you know you are safe. This is old-you stuff – not current you. This process of shadow work is freeing you. It’s bringing all your lost, denied and repressed fragments home to make you whole again.
Shadow work IS THE BIGGEST WORK. It’s a sacred rite of passage. It’s hard work, but it is the most valuable work you can ever do.
Things That Will Block You
(these traps can stop you from reaching your goal).
I’m too busy. I don’t have time
This one excuse often stands in the way of us, and powerful change. The truth is, if something is that important to you? You’ll make the time. If you really want change, you need to prioritise it like it’s the most important thing EVER. Or it may not happen. Even if you need to get up an hour earlier in the morning, or have one hour less of Netflix time, or stop doing one thing to make room for another, if you really want it? then schedule everything else you can around it. You must make time.
We also revert to autopilot when we’re too busy
When you’re always busy you’ll often revert to familiar (old) behaviours – because it’s easier. It takes a hell of a lot more energy to consciously create a new habit, than to stick with the old way. For example, if you’re trying to eat healthier meals, but you’re REALLY busy, you may just cook what’s easier (which is your old way of eating) or order take out. Until your new habit integrates as your new autopilot behaviour (through repetition), you’ll need to un-busy yourself enough to do the harder thing, and make this change happen.
Hoping or praying for change – without the action
This is very personal to me because I witness it in my own family. Hoping and praying that change will happen, does NOT make it happen. Action makes it happen. YOU MAKE IT HAPPEN.
So many of us desire it, ask God for it, or try to manifest it – without the action that makes it all possible. But hard truth is IT’S ALL YOU. You are the creator of change in your world. You hold a lot of power in your hands (you just might not know it yet).
These traps are everywhere, and they will keep you from your goal – if you let it. Some things are meaningful distractions, like spontaneous playtime with your kids (or your dog), or hanging out with a friend who genuinely needs a hand. But constant distractions? Especially meaningless ones like with your phone, TV, endless cleaning (when it’s already clean) or social media? Friends always tempting you to hang out?
Watch those sneaky time-snatchers. You might need to whack some boundaries in there. If you add up the time spent on distractions, and you’ll see it’s often MORE THAN ENOUGH time you need to dedicate to your new habit. Don’t let the devil of distraction keep you from your goals.
Lack of self-love and self-worth issues (many of us have these and don’t even know it)
It can be really hard to create healthy, positive change if we are lacking love for ourselves. The changes just won’t stick. The reason is, because our actions and our core beliefs are out of alignment. On some level (that you may not even be aware of), we have a belief that we don’t deserve self-care. Because self-care, is an expression of self-love.
Often we can’t treat ourselves with love, until we genuinely love ourselves. And here on Earth, us humans are commonly installed with the ‘less than’ program. We lack love for ourselves and we seek to fill this cup in 1000 ways.
Here we start small. Gradually as our shadows are cleared (the root of the program) and our self-love grows, our habits will begin to reflect the self-love. In fact, at this stage it will come naturally, in ever-growing expressions. This is a gradual process – but along with shadow work, this right here is the greatest work that you can do. This is also a really big subject that deserves more space than this (it’s coming!).
SHIFTING THE ENERGY
Simple breathing technique
I do this often, before I meditate. Take a few minutes out of your day. Sit down – I prefer a cushion on the floor, you can sit in a chair or wherever is comfortable for you. Now breathe slowly and fully. On the inhale (through the nose), visualise breathing in fresh, clear new energy – all the way into your belly. On the exhale (out the mouth), breathe out hot, old, heavy, cluttered energy. Repeat. Do it for a few minutes if you can, and do it regularly.
A walking practice: “I step away from the old, I step into the new”
This practice helped me a great deal when I was stuck down at rock bottom. Go for a walk in nature – anywhere will do – I used to practice in a big park. As you walk, repeat this mantra over and over in your head – “I step away from the old, I step into the new”, “I step away from the old, I step into the new”. Keep saying this (in your head) while physically walking (literally stepping away from the old, and into the new). And mean it. Repetition will seed this program into your subconscious, and emotion and action will call it in. I still do this a few times a year, usually when I need help shaking off something that is stuck.
Shower Technique – wash away heavy layers of energy down the drain
Here’s another one that served me very well when I was at rock bottom. I kept doing it for one reason: Because it worked. I felt a huge difference afterwards.
Visualisation is your key here. When you’re in the shower under running water, close your eyes, and set an intention to cut through the cords of energy that are weighing you down (for me this was stuck grief, deep sadness, regret and tormenting loops of thought). You can create an imaginary character – like an ancient warrior, a goddess or Archangel Michael with a big, heavy silver sword. Call them. Request they cut through the heavy energies that are binding you. Visualise this process of freeing yourself. When they slice through the energetic cords, visualise you’re standing under a crystal clear waterfall (your good old shower), and wash the dark spots of residue away.
These heavy layers of energy will gradually build up again for as long as your thoughts, emotions and actions keep creating them. Keep washing them off when they get heavy. You’ll feel far ‘lighter’, less cluttered and less weighed down when you get out. Stuck emotions and thought patterns will lift. Cleanse your energetic body regularly. PS ask Google if visualisation techniques work. PPS this is an example of the use of imagination – it ain’t just for kids. The imagination is a fabulous, underutilized tool that helps us to create endless possibilities.
Image credit: Alexis Rakun
Move your body
Go for a run. Sweat it out. Stretch. Shake it out, dance – moving the energy of your body will help shift stagnant energy. This helps to pull you out from feeling ‘stuck’ – physically and literally.
Cut your hair, exfoliate, cut your nails
This simple little action is not going to create change for you, but as with all suggestions here, it can help shift the energy. It can strengthen your resolve to physically get rid of the old, and create space for the new. I get out the scissors and cut my hair a few times a year, when I want to step into a big new version of myself. Work with this fresh new energy, and create more actions that align with positive change.
Smudge your whole house
Sometimes I use sage, sometimes palo santo, or dried lemon eucalyptus leaves. Often I just use incense. You can used dried lavender or rosemary – anything natural, that is fragrant when it’s dried. Smudging is not really about the actual smoke, it’s about setting the intention to ‘cleanse’, freshen and re-energize your space. The ‘smudging’ is an action that symbolises it – it adds another layer that strengthens your intention. It is intention and belief that creates the shift. The more layers of ritual or action you put into it, the stronger the outcome.
Use the fresh energy of Mondays, brand new months and New Moons
New Moons are a beautiful lunar timepiece that resets itself every 28 days. Reset yourself, just like her. I use this day to LET THINGS GO. Get it off. Clean it out. I set intentions to leave habits behind.
On the shortest day (and longest night) of the year – the winter solstice – I also do a big meditation and journal what I want to leave behind. On New Years Eve I do a huge letting go of what I don’t want to take with me into the New Year, and on New Years Day I call in fresh new energy.
Every month I do a big reset and refresh, and every Monday I try new habits again, that didn’t stick last week. Every morning is a new day. Every minute can be a fresh start if you create it.
Juice fast or detox
This isn’t for everyone, especially at the start of healing journeys, and please don’t do it if you have unhealthy programs around eating. A juice cleanse, a short fast or a few days of superfoods and fruit can compliment transformational shifts.
Shift the energy with music
Change the energy by changing the tune. Put some music on to exercise, ground and meditate, to focus, to cook, or to clean to. Shift the energy through your music. I love almost all music (except commercial, mainstream music…). Music can make me cry, music can makes me nostalgic, meditative, active, it can make me introverted or extroverted…..choose your tunes to match your mood.
And there's a basic map to this process.
Not all of us take this path of course. Many people do not change – they stay stuck in varying shades of grey. Some don’t know how to get out, because no one has shown them they can. Sometimes people don’t want to be shown and that’s their choice. We all have freewill.
Many of our loved ones who have passed did not take this path. However, they leave us with something – a priceless gift. An invitation to use grief to crack open the greatest gift one can ever experience. Grief (which is a form of love), has great power to raise frequency if you use it right. (I speak from the perspective of someone who learnt this the hard way.)
This map here, is the path of change. When you know the path, the darkness is not so confusing or scary. It doesn’t make it easy at times – but you’ll know that it has purpose, and that there is a process. You’ll have the map and you’ll know the way.